


learning to let go

by nendodirk, zoosmell



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Degradee, Established Relationship, Light BDSM, M/M, Omorashi, Piss kink, Trans Male Dave Strider, Watersports, self deprecation but make it kinky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:54:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25239568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nendodirk/pseuds/nendodirk, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoosmell/pseuds/zoosmell
Summary: dave learns to hush up his anxiety, and teaches jake another way to please himalso, there's piss. a lot of it. there's a joke in all this somewhere, i think it's a pun involving the work title
Relationships: Jake English/Dave Strider
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36
Collections: The DirkJohn Hivemind AU





	learning to let go

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [i want to hold you like you're mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23902537) by [ectotwinks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ectotwinks/pseuds/ectotwinks), [nendodirk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nendodirk/pseuds/nendodirk). 



> here's a drabble me and nendodirk wrote a long while ago. no beta, it's past midnight, i'm painfully tired, but i just needed to write something

When Jake asked you if you'd be up for a "Netflix-and-Chill" session, you were reasonably expecting your night to go a little... differently. By the half an hour mark into your second movie, you realize that  _ holy shit, Jake actually just wanted to watch Netflix and chill with you. _

You almost forget how adorably pure he is sometimes. And, look, you're not even opposed to watching movies with Jake on a normal basis, but you've kind of prepared for having sex tonight (and trying something new with him, no less), so you don't really want to let it go to waste. 

You spread your legs a little farther apart so your knee is nudging Jake's. Absolutely no reaction whatsoever.  _ God, someone's engrossed. _ Not even putting a hand on his upper thigh stirs his attention. maybe the "subtlety" route wasn't the way to go in the first place-- it usually never is with Jake. Sliding onto the floor, you situate yourself between his legs, one hand on each knee. You look up at him through the rim of your shades, trying to give him the best sultry look you can manage. 

" Jake," you breathe, nuzzling your nose right where his cargo shorts end, revealing his tan, gorgeous skin. "When you said we were going to "Netflix and Chill", I thought you meant something more--" trailing off, you slide your hands up further to about mid-thigh, moving to be about face to face with his groin. You unabashedly nip at it with your mouth, despite the material of his shorts still in the way.

“Oh! Uh... that’s certainly not what I intended, but...” He adjusts a little in his seat, his face turning adorably red as you aggressively make moves onto him. He's always been painfully clueless, but you've learned to get used to it - if anything, you think it more cute than annoying nowadays.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, darling, but Netflix and chill is just a term for... chilling and watching television?” 

Yeah, okay, you should've expected that he didn't know what that meant. The term is pretty misleading, after all. (Yet, you still can't help the snort that bubbles out of you). 

“But,” he continues, “If that is what you want to do tonight, then...” a grin spreads across his face. You like seeing him giddy like this.

"Nah, it just means you're getting this hot piece of ass tonight," you coo, sliding your shades off of your face and sparing him the embarrassment of misunderstanding yet another internet term. Your aforementioned shades clink somewhere near the adjacent coffee table, but if you're honest, that's the least of your worries. As much as you want to give him a blowjob (or for you to give him head), you have specific plans set for tonight. Jake never usually complains about what you want to do but... this one  _ is _ a little on the weird side. 

You've always wanted to do it with one of your partners, but out of all of them, Jake is probably the one you trust the most. If you could do this kind of thing with someone, it'd be him. Sliding onto his lap, you cradle his jaw with both of your hands, pulling him in for a prompt kiss. It's nothing deep - more teasing than anything. "Hey, can we... try something new tonight?" You ask him carefully, biting your lower lip. There's no going back now. Point of no return, as they say. 

“Oh? And what may that be, love?” His tone comes off genuinely curious, and it gets you every time. His curiosity is always entertaining, and you wouldn't trade it for anything. Honestly, Jake's very adorable, even if he likes to come off tougher than he usually is. “Whatever it is, I’ll be down," he assures, but you know that's a lie, so you raise a prodding eyebrow at him.

“Okay, alright, I take that back. You should probably tell me  _ what _ it is first, darling.” Yeah, that sounds about right. Jake has definitely grown over the years, being with you - he certainly speaks his honest mind way more often. 

Your hands idly fall to his shoulders, resting loosely on each one respectively. Maybe this  _ was  _ a bad idea? Well, worst case, if he isn't into it, you can just go to the bathroom and - 

"So, uh," you mumble, shifting a little on his lap. It's not that you're necessarily  _ embarrassed _ per se; you're far past being ashamed of your kinks, you just...  ** know  ** how  _ weird  _ it is. 

"Basically, I want you to fuck me until I piss myself." 

Okay, nope. You take everything back. Shame that you genuinely haven't felt in years immediately floods back, heat going straight to your face and all the way to the tips of your ears. The last time you felt exposed was probably when you told Jake you were transgender - but even then, that wasn't even nearly as bad. You've come out to people before; you're used to it by now. 

"No, never mind - that's so fucking weird. Don't worry about it. I'll just -" Gesturing towards the bathroom, you start to slide off his lap nervously. "- Then we can... Do stuff. Like, normal stuff."

"No, no, no," Jake pouts and loosely grabs at you, and so you stay, smiling slightly and tilting a brow down at him. 

"Erm. That actually sounds..." He motions with his hands, trying to grasp something that isn't there - you've learned to be patient. Sometimes, he needs a little help, and that's alright. You take your time.

“That sounds great, love,” he finally gets out, looking down at you. "I'm into it if you are," he comments, and despite that sounding pretty disingenuous - your face quickly brightens from anxiety and embarrassment to pure excitement. Oh, fuck yes.

You've been dreaming about this for years, and now it's  _ actually  _ going to happen. The most you've ever really done is, like, jacking off over the toilet or something while you piss, and judging by your reaction (enjoyment) then, this'll be one hell of an orgasm for you. You might actually give Jake an aneurysm. 

Anyway. 

You pull Jake into a chaste kiss, knocking your forehead against his affectionately. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh, my god. I'll meet you in your room, mkay?" You drawl out the vowel, and he nods, and you answer his up-coming inquiry on where you're going. "I'm going to chug another glass of water real quick." 

As you pull away and start to head for the kitchen, you also call out, "Oh, and don't worry about the sheets! I'll wash them for you."

"Alright, nice," he shouts out, you walking away rather hastily to the fridge. As you fumble with the water dispenser, you hear him open his phone and update his Snapchat story, and you can only imagine the kind of shit he's announcing to his and your friends. You hear - well, he leaves his flash on, so see - him take a photo of you in the kitchen. You would complain, but hearing him giggle as he types and mutters what he's writing in his chunky Australian accent is payment enough for his consistent mockery of you.

In the kitchen, you chug down an extra glass of water - two, just to be safe. You've always had a pretty strong bladder, never really needing to piss until you  _ absolutely had to _ , and combined with the things you've been drinking throughout the day, it pushes you over from the "I-don't-know-I-need-to-piss" category into "Okay-yeah-I-definitely-need-to-piss". 

Already, it's turning you on. 

You absolutely love the constant pressure in your gut and the way it makes everything hypersensitive in your body. Part of it is mental, too. Stimulating yourself as much as possible until you can't possibly hold back anymore; the relief that comes with letting go and the shame and embarrassment that comes with  _ that _ , too. It all makes you feel delightfully dirty, and you have to suppress a shiver. God, you're already starting to get wet, Jesus Christ. 

Before heading up to Jake's room, you open your travel bag and grab the string of condoms and lube you brought with you. He probably has some since you come over so often, but you always like to be safe. Jake's waiting for you when you get up to his bedroom, and you smile at him, shutting the door behind you. Teasingly, you lean back against the wood, rubbing your thighs together as the grin on your face goes from a sweet one to a sultry one. 

The fit today is pretty simple, one of your favourite red hoodies and some jeans shorts - but oh, wait, how could you possibly forget the cherry red thigh highs? You love wearing them, Jake goes absolutely nuts seeing them on you, so really, it's a win-win. Maybe you're just really,  _ really _ into wearing these things, but you've always sorta wanted to give Jake a foot job with them on? And you're not even into foot stuff all that much. 

But again, you're getting off track. 

Tossing your boyfriend the lube bottle and the strip of rubbers, you continue to put on a bit of a show, fingers dancing teasingly around the hem of your hoodie. You know he loves just looking at you like this, and it's always quite the confidence-booster. Sometimes, you can't believe that one of the sexiest men you've ever seen is that head over heels for you, but eventually, you guess you just came to terms with it.

"Came prepared," you hum, eventually pulling the hooded garment up and over your head. The euphoria that always rushes into you when you get shirtless for Jake does the best things for your arousal. One, you just adore the way he looks at you like you're something to be desired;  _ devoured _ . And two, top surgery has made you feel a whole lot more confident overall. Testosterone has been doing the most work, though.

Jake dashes to you at a nearly comical speed as soon as your hoodie is removed, planting a kiss right onto your shoulderblade and drawing out a satisfied hum from you. He murmurs headless praises into your ear like a mantra, and it's so loveable - the energy he gives you every time is enough to last your whole existence. You've come to trust that he means it every time - that you're beautiful, and he's also beautiful, and he loves you just as much as you love him. 

"And, you're positively sexy too," he whistles, a chuckle coming out of you in response. He places one of his big hands on your thighs, and that already gets you to gasp, though more in shock than anything. He grins, and you laugh into his skin helplessly, the two of you just... praising each other genuinely. Each night is just like this, and you wouldn't trade them for anything.

God, being with Jake has really made you understand what the expression "butterflies in my stomach" meant. Everything just feels so light and airy, and you feel like things are rattling around inside you when you're with him; especially when he's all sappy like this. Normally, you used to kind of hate it when your partners were overly lovey-dovey - it always left a sour taste in your mouth. When it's from Jake, you can really, truly believe it, though. It's just one of his many charms. 

"Mmm, I love you," you purr, giving him a few kisses down his jaw. You untangle one of your arms for a moment so you can direct one of his wandering hands from your thighs to your ass, trying to convey the idea that you're more than okay with him getting a little handsy right now. Jake's hands are absolute magic - they're large, strong and can  _ really  _ fucking handle you, just the way you like it. "I should've worn green for you; I know how much you like it when wear your favourite colour."

"I definitely do fancy it, but it’s alright,” he assures you, gently squeezing at your ass. You let out a breath of exhaust, just... melting under his hands like honey. It's been about a week since you two have done anything due to work - Jake tries to make it as often as you need, but you two don't live all too close, so occasionally it gets tough. Sometimes, you give him a call and he talks you through your 'alone time'.

(Well, you guess if someone's on the phone, it's no longer alone time, is it?)

“God, you’re just so...” He trails off, and you know that the sentence was to lead to a compliment, but you're sure you can imagine it. He's probably already preached it a hundred times - but to be fair, you enjoy everything he has to say about you, whether you've heard it or not. “I love you, so, so much,” he finally pleads out, and you don't even need to audibly respond. 

(Because, you do too, and you have. And you will.

And he knows.)

This time, when you pull him in for a kiss, you don't hold back. The sounds Jake makes when you rile him up - when you nip and flick your tongue against his lips before sucking them dirty - gives you a power trip like  _ no other _ . He's really great like that, actually; Once you get Jake English in the mood for something, he's absolutely golden, giving you his all and sweeping you off your feet. You mean this mostly in the terms of sex, but it's rather general, too. 

It's just yet another thing you adore about him. 

Finally, after a sufficient amount of teasing, when Jake opens his mouth for you, you take the dive, gliding your tongue against the roof of his mouth. The shiver that goes through him gives you such a rush that you can't help but moan into his mouth. You can tell he's been deprived of this touch for a little while, as he's shaky under you, and you use your hands to stroke his back softly as the two of you make out sloppily against his wall. His glasses are clanking into your nose, but that's alright; because this is an art that's just so... perfectly imperfect and yet, you enjoy it all the same. Eventually, you start guiding him to the bed, the two of you still practically glued to one another. Gently, you push him over the mattress, and you know that sends him places all too well. 

Once he's well-positioned on the mattress, you waste absolutely no time climbing onto him and straddling his hips. At the angle you're in, you can already feel the beginnings of his erection slotted against you, and you laugh breathlessly, grinding your hips down into him. 

"Is that your phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me," you tease him, fingers hovering over the button of your shorts. He waves at you with his idle hand, the other one placed on your shoulder. "Oh, stop it," he chuckles, looking at you stupidly and it goes right to your heart. God, you love Jake.

"I'll let you in on something -" You decide to stop teasing him, and you get in real close, lips practically right up against his ear, and you continue, "- You ain't the only one. I'm practically dripping wet for you, Jakey. I want you inside me so damn badly."

"Oh, really now," he tells you, leaning into you a little bit. What you’d call a laugh pops out of him, and you'd assume it's because he's really not the best dirty talker, but it's not like you mind. He's painfully adorable nonetheless. 

“Well, uh, then, you’re that’s exactly what you’re going to be getting tonight.” His words are rather clunky, but you smile, humming as you grind down on him slightly and he breathes out of his clenched teeth. You feel him grind up into you desperately, and judge that you two are both just a little too clothed for your liking. 

First, you work on getting Jake's shirt off, quickly admiring his chiselled upper body. You blink away, sitting up higher on your knees and undoing the button and zipper of your shorts, followed by the same on your boyfriend's obnoxious khakis. He's getting hard  _ very _ quickly, so you might as well do him the favour of giving him that bit of relief before you start back up with the foreplay. 

Once Jake's shorts are off his hips, you can do the same with his underwear, happily taking in the sight of his cock springing out to attention for you. He looks a whole lot more relieved now too, so it's a win-win for the both of you. Taking him in your hand, you give him a few good strokes, swiping the bead of pre-come at his dick's head away with your thumb. The reaction he gives when you lick it off your finger is pretty much the same as when he gets a mouthful of your slick-- red-faced sheepish-ness with a healthy dose of  _ straight _ -to-the-genitals arousal.

"Holy shit," he groans, rocking up into your hand just a little before you pull it away again. Can't have him getting too much relief just yet. 

"We can go about this one of three ways," you explain as you slide out of your shorts. The look Jake gets on his face when he sees you're not wearing any underwear would be pretty hilarious if you both weren't  _ incredibly  _ horny. "One, I ride you. It'll put you way in the line of fire, though. Two, we switch spots and I'm on my back. You'll still get pissed on, but less so. And three, you fuck me doggy. I'm most opposed to this one, but if you're really that uncomfortable with all this, then I can deal. I'm not exactly allowed to be picky here." You sit back down against Jake's cock, sighing heavily in bliss. Just the heat of him against you and your folds always makes your stomach do a couple acrobatic flips, and now is no different, there's just the added element of  _ holy shit, my bladder's full-to-bursting and I'm gonna come so hard I black out _ .

“Uh, I’m honestly... Chipper with whatever you are, love,” he responds rather breathlessly, and you can tell the least of his worries is his getting pissed on, and he's much more focused on getting inside you. Honestly? You can't even blame him - you're only getting more aroused the more this drawls on, but you just wanna make sure he doesn't complain to you after all is said and done. To be frank, you're sure it's hard to focus on much when your boyfriend is up against your dick. You also know that it's very easy to drive Jake over the edge of arousal, and you're sure he's already getting painfully close to that.

You laugh softly, giving Jake another slow kiss. He's practically putty in your hands right about now. It's a nice dynamic, honestly - you get to control the situation just as much as you like, him more than willing to follow along. You honestly thought you'd have to top Jake the first time the two of you had sex (a topic you're still not entirely opposed to), but then he fucked you so hard into the sheets and ate you out until you blacked out, so helpful to you and your bottom tendencies, Jake comes in clutch when needed. 

You maneuver around to get one of the condoms, ripping the package open with your teeth. You roll it over Jake's cock with precision that can only come from repeated practice, going straight for the lube next. Technically the two of you don't  _ need _ it, but it's always a nice addition that helps things go smoother - plus, you like the slimy consistency. You lather Jake up first and are about to squirt some more onto your fingers, but you hesitate. 

Smirking, you squirt some of it onto Jake's fingers instead, pressing them against your folds. "Wanna do the honours?" 

You've always been a little tight down there anyway, and it's fine for most things like certain toys and averaged dicked people, but Jake has no ordinary dick. Putting this as adequately as you can, Jake English is fucking  _ packing. _ Hey, there's no complaint here about it, though; You're nothing but a filthy cockslut, anyway. Correction,  _ his  _ filthy cockslut.

"Of course," he tells you, pressing into your spot just enough and spreading it around, wringing some desperate moans out of you as well. His fingers in you are a delight, as always, but now with the added element of a full bladder, things are a bit different. You're hypersensitive as hell, stomach fluttering with a mix of instilled panic over instinctively trying not to piss yourself, and heavy arousal. Eventually, he deems himself done, sloppily wiping his fingers on his sheets. Normally, you'd complain, but you suppose they're about to be pissed on anyways - thank God he's got a mattress protector under them. You've always wondered why, but you guess it's finally useful.

"You ready?" he asks intently, and you nod, not really able to get much more than a hum of approval and a shaky nod out in the moment. You sit up on your knees again and lower yourself down, making it a little easier to slide onto Jake's length. The aforementioned arousal only intensifies once you get Jake inside of you - the feeling hits you almost instantaneously, leaving you only with the ability to grip onto his shoulders, moaning shamelessly. " _ Fuck _ ," you curse, sucking in a sharp breath through your teeth. His cock is literally pressing  _ right up against your damn bladder _ and it is driving you  ** crazy ** . All of your nerves are on fire right now, some in sensation from the pleasure and others from the adrenaline now absolutely coursing through you. Your body can tell that you're not going to be able to hold in forever, but the instinct is engraved in you, and so you obviously are trying anyway. 

(That's part of the appeal here, getting pushed so far past your limit that your body can't do anything but let go.) 

You have half the mind to follow up with something else; Sometimes Jake takes your seethes and expletives as pain rather than pleasure. "Jake,  _ god _ , it's so fucking good." Christ, are you whining already? That's a little embarrassing. 

One hand still positioned on Jake's shoulder for support, you place your left on your stomach, for whatever reason. You can kind of... feel something? It's hard to put into words, but there's definitely a pressure there that's more intense than the one of Jake being inside you. It sends a shiver of thrill down your spine, so you chase the feeling further, pressing into your abdomen. Okay bad, bad bad, bad idea but so  _ good, _ the best idea, holy  _ shit! _ Involuntarily, all of your muscles from the waist down clench and you cry out again, overwhelmed by everything. He's moaning under you, but between such, gives you little hushes and praise, trailing on about just how much of a good boy you are. For him. No, scratch that, you're his good boy. His, his, his and his only.

"Dave," he finally groans out, followed by a long noise that comes out like a really breathy and quiet lovechild between a scream and a moan. “Fuck, it’s— you’re—  _ you’re _ so good, oh my god,” he praises, stammering over his words like he's slipping over ice. You won't be able to hold it in much longer, but the more you try only translates into you getting even tighter around his cock, so you know he definitely isn't complaining.

If you're going to last long at all when Jake starts moving inside of you, you seriously need to stop teasing yourself. But - But  _ God _ does it feel good to. Seriously, though; you can't. To keep yourself and your hands occupied, you grip onto Jake again, intent on setting a pretty vigorous pace for yourself. You slide up on his cock before slamming yourself back down, the intense wave of pleasure that rolls through you each time literally reverberating through you down to your bones. Your bladder is practically screaming with each bounce, and your muscles clench down hard on Jake's member with every downward thrust. You're not one for getting overly emotional so quickly, but right now, you can already see stars dancing in your vision and feel the tears welling up in your eyes. It usually takes you up until at least your third orgasm before you're this far gone.

Goddamn. 

"Jake, Jake, oh god," you slur out, high and needy, bouncing up and down on his hips as if your life fucking depends on it. "So good,  _ so good,  _ I can't--" Yeah, you won't last long like this at all, but God be damned if you aren't going to try your hardest. You're absolutely losing it on top of him, and you can't say he's doing much better, either. Having a full bladder like this, it's practically more than doubling the pleasure, and God do you love it. 

"Oh God, fuck, fuck,  _ fuck _ \--" Cursing, you grip Jake's shoulders hard enough that your nails dig into his skin a little. "--Jake, I can't,  _ I can't,  _ **_ I can't! _ ** " You were going to try and coax something like an "It's okay, you can let go for me" out of him, and you're pretty sure that you do in the end, but on one particulate good thrust, the head of his cock hits you  _ right _ in the A-spot and you're just gone, unable to even hear what he's saying anymore. With a full-on wail and a confusing jumble of curses, Jake's name, and things that you can't even  _ begin _ to fucking decipher, your bladder gives out in you, finally releasing all the held in fluid. You hear Jake cry out your name in desperation as the condom around his cock fills up with warm sperm, and you have to physically stop moving your hips; it's so overwhelming, even now, your muscles weakly fighting to try to keep it in despite their inability to. The mix of pure euphoria, shame and embarrassment, and arousal that floods you all at once as you start to let go is enough to send you into your first orgasm of hopefully many for the night. 

God, it's getting everywhere, you feel so disgusting and filthy and  _ sticky _ , but it's so glorious.  _ So _ , so glorious. All you can do is sit on Jake's growingly uncomfortable cock and shake, watching with heavy, laboured breathing as your urine gets absolutely fucking everywhere. As expected, Jake and the inside of your thighs definitely take the brunt of it. You can see the stains setting into your thigh highs, a mix of both the piss and your cum that's dribbling down your leg. It feels so fucking filthy to just be, well, sitting in your own urine on top of your boyfriend's cock, but that's really half of the appeal here.  _ God _ , it even got on the sheets a little. You didn't realize how much you had in you. 

" _ Fuck _ ," you curse with a watery laugh, sniffing hard as you blink tears out of your vision. "I think I saw God for a few seconds."

“I feel you,” he tells you breathlessly with a chuckle, still inside of you. He's not getting any less hard, impressively, and you hope you'll be able to wring a couple more shakingly startling orgasms out of the guy.

You're not really too keen to chance going another round with the same condom, so you -- begrudgingly -- slide off of Jake's cock, quickly rolling off the condom and tying it, tossing it in the general direction of the trash can. One hand wrapped lazily around his cock, you're about to gesture for him to hand you another one when you get an idea. The grin you give him is absolutely wolfish, and he looks over you confused as you lean to his bedside drawer and dig around for one of the toys you've gotten him, but he lights up as you yank one of your vibrators out and beam at him.

"What if I used this on me again?" you comment, tossing the toy at him and watching him catch it slackly. 

"Okay, yeah, but I still have a darn annoying boner, love," he comments, chuckling a little and raising an eyebrow at you.

You mock him, delayed as teasing laughs at him back, and grab the mini remote for the vibrator out of the drawer, throwing that to him too.

"So what if I sucked you off all nice and good while you teased me with this?"

"That's more up my alley," he says, and you nod to him hastily. God, you're  _ so  _ horny still.

You think being Jake's cock-slut isn't so bad after all, especially since you know the title is just using your degrading kink to get you off. But, you digress.

You really could get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> i really want to draw that jake snapchat post now
> 
> i might continue this someday who knows
> 
> [Tumblr](https://brother--lover.tumblr.com/) | [18+ Twitter](https://twitter.com/zoosmells)


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